Today I awoke with the feeling of having been instructed in a dream to keep on writing the journal I began in 2005. Not that I think I have anything worthy to leave in writing but this is more for my soul I guess.
How then to start writing? Tears flowing down my eyes while falling on my knees at prayer meeting yesterday night? Me still battling my fears of inadequacy? Or could it be a funny way for God to answer my prayer at the close of last year: more faith, more humility, more love...
Still far from the mark, let me tell you. Just a couple of things pass through my mind and a third one.
First that I discovered (or rather rediscovered) what I could not say to my aunt when having a meal with my parents and siblings. I did not have an answer to her question: "what is faith". And having heard over the course of two or more years people God has blessed to come alongside, I was sick of that chant that I even began to believe and administer in little pills to one of my students: "have faith". Her question took me aback while her demeanor was rather pesimistic: "but teacher, whan is then faith". And I blew it. I gave the "common sense" worldly snippet to her. And I'm sorry for it. Now, I began to see everything clearer but in connection with Christ. Faith is not self-confidence but rather a humble and joyful confidence in Christ who is greater than you yet closer to you. You are rewarded if you seek Him. Hebrews 11:6?
Second, that I saw a direct application of the verse I started to believe more firmly recently. Rom 8:28. Favorite of many people.
"And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, for those called according to His purpose"
And as I'm reading verses of Philippians this month, I saw Paul's application of that verse in His own life:
"12 I want you to know, brothers,  that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, 13 so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard  and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ." (Phil 1:12-13)
Paul understood that his imprisonment wasn't a pointless thing. He saw it in connection with the gospel and with the hero of the gospel: Christ. And that hit me. As I reflect on the latest happenings in my life I could not help myself but to think how tired I am of being battered, bruised and struck down. But, I know that He is taking hold of me. He hasn't deserted me. Yes, I appreciate the prayers of my brothers and sisters who might be thinking I am in a very sorry condition. But as I said one of my friends lately: "if we could only know what the Savior suffered"...
Finally, God is answering another prayer of mine to become more bold in bringing others to glorify Him. For He calls everyone, each and every one of his creatures to glorify Him. One aspect of that is to thank Him for the meals that are placed before us. Maybe some would think of this as a pointless religious act Christians do, but hey wouldn't it be great to bring non-Christians along to thank God for the food He provided for you. And I was happy my friend did not reject me at my request. He even prayed God to bless me as I often don't ask this in prayers of mine. This also was a manifestation of the grace of God in my life.
Could I say with joy amidst the storms that I have a dear Savior who love me and will never leave me? Yes, amen and amen. Glory to Jesus forever and ever! None but Jesus!
P.D. For those of you who know Spanish this is the soundtrack of this post: